


(love can) drive your mind wild

by miraculous (milkisande)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, Marichat, Unbeta’d Chaos, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkisande/pseuds/miraculous
Summary: In a perfect world, Marinette is filled with love and light and life.This isn’t a perfect world.(But when an akuma attack sends Chat Noir barreling into the arms of a very warm and veryaliveMarinette Dupain-Cheng, he wonders if this is really a villain’s doing, after all.)“What?” She asks, smiling softly. “Cat got your tongue?” Her bright blue eyes twinkle, as she leans toward him. “I think I have a way to fix that.”Without a moment’s hesitation, she presses a light kiss to his lips.He feels lightheaded, and can only really say one word:“... Marinette.”Her smile is much more kind and real than one he’d expect from a girl who has no business being alive.“Yes?”
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103
Collections: Miraculous Writer's Guild September Event 2020





	(love can) drive your mind wild

**Author's Note:**

> "I'm sorry things had to end this way."
> 
>  **my tellonym:** milkisande

**.**

**(love can) drive your mind wild**

_you’re the reason why i came here,_ _  
_ _so please don't torture me anymore._

**.**

**.**

**.**

**IT’S his first battle without her, and everything’s different.**

The new Ladybug is kind, fortunately, but even he, and the entirety of Paris, can tell that their superhero dynamic doesn’t work at all. She’s too headstrong and impulsive, like he is, and they end up clashing heads more than they do the villain.

He knows she’s trying her best— and it’s her first day, really, he’s expecting too much from someone who he’s only just met.

But even then, Chat Noir’s mind flashes back to his first battle with _her_ , how easy it was for them to settle into a rhythm and work together like perfect clockwork.

When they were together, the pieces just fit together without them even trying.

She was— _is_ his other half; and without her, everything just feels so out of balance.

Everything just feels _wrong._

Chat Noir only narrowly misses the blast thrown in his direction, as the new Ladybug sharply reminds him to “stay focused”, briefly swinging his way before once again running toward the villain.

“Wait, we should think of a plan first—!”

“This is the plan!” She only responds, before the villain slowly turns towards her, moving with terrifying precision as a blast is suddenly thrown her way.

“Ladybug, _watch out_!”

He doesn’t hesitate to throw his body towards her, completely taking the brunt of the attack in her place.

(It’s the heroic thing to do. But if Chat Noir’s being honest, it’s more a gut reaction and instinct to sacrifice himself for Ladybug’s safety—

And if he’s being _completely_ transparent, the Ladybug he sees at that moment isn’t the one that’s right in front of him. Because with the rush of adrenaline and that all-too-familiar red suit and expression hidden by a mask, he only sees _her_.

And saving her is as natural as breathing.)

The blast sends Chat Noir flying backward, as his body practically crashes onto a nearby balcony.

Somebody quickly comes to his aid, leaning over to carefully help prop him up against the railings.

Chat Noir slowly opens his eyes, wincing as the pain spreads throughout his body.

He looks upward, putting on the most appreciative smile he can muster.

“Thank you so much—”

And as the two of them make eye contact, he freezes.

The warm body pressed against his own suddenly feels ice-cold.

“Silly kitty,” she whispers teasingly, a bright expression on her face. “I thought cats always land on their feet.”

His mouth feels dry, and his throat closes up almost completely.

Chat Noir doesn’t respond.

“What?” She asks, smiling softly. “Cat got your tongue?” Her bright blue eyes twinkle, as she leans toward him. “I think I have a way to fix that.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, she presses a light kiss to his lips.

He feels lightheaded, and can only really say one word:

_“... Marinette.”_

Her smile is much more kind and real than one he’d expect from a girl who has no business being alive. 

“Yes?”

.

.

“... how are you here?”

She pauses, a light laugh escaping her lips. It terrifies him. “What do you mean?” Marinette only asks, then points at him accusingly. “You’re the one who stopped by!”

“No,” he only responds, shaking his head to try and think of an answer. He raises a wobbly finger in her direction. “How are you _here_ ?” He repeats, then with increasing intensity and alarm: “Marinette, _how are you here, how is this happening, how am I_ — _?_ ”

Her hands are quick to grab his shoulders, forcefully shaking him out of his reverie.

“What are you talking about?” She asks, face tilted sideways in concern. It feels so real. _She_ feels so real. “Chat, are you okay? You’ve been really weird today. I’m worried.”

 _He’s_ weird? Is _he_ the strange one?

“No…,” Chat Noir only says, backing away from her slowly. “This shouldn’t… _you_ shouldn’t… none of this should be happening…”

“Maybe you should come inside,” Marinette says slowly. “I can get you something from the bakery. I could call your parents, too, if you want to go home. I’m not sure you’re feeling well enough to be here…”

“Wait,” he breathes, slowly. “ _Parents?_ ”

Marinette only looks at him in confusion, an eyebrow raised. “Are you really not feeling well? I should—”

“I,” he only manages to say, choking up from the sudden revelation. Then, voice quiet, almost cracking: “My mom’s alive?”

Her concern and worry is evident. “Of course she is. They’re at a charity gala of your father’s, but I’m sure they’d come over if you needed them to.”

“Charity gala?” Chat Noir starts, incredulity event. “My _dad_ ? He never lets me get out of the house, much less _himself_ —”

“Okay, maybe you really injured yourself,” Marinette finally says, putting a warm hand to his forehead. “Mister Agreste is always holding charity events, and he hates being locked up inside. Besides,” she pauses, flicking his head playfully. “If he never let you get out of the house, then we wouldn’t have met. And we’d never have gotten to date.”

“We’re dating…?”

“Of course, chaton,” she smiles. “I love you.”

In his heart, Chat Noir knows none of this could possibly be real.

His father being lenient, his mother being alive, him having the freedom to do what he wants and even dating Marinette— _being able to hold Marinette in his arms, alive and breathing_ —

_This is all a fantasy. An illusion._

(The akumatized villain and the blast hitting him square in the chest remains fresh in his memory.)

But as she looks up at him, eyes filled with love and light and almost bursting with _life_ , Chat Noir can’t bring himself to feel that this an _akuma’s_ doing.

This is everything he’s ever wanted.

It’s a literal dream come true.

“... I love you too.”

.

.

Chat Noir and Marinette go ice-skating.

They watch movies at the cinema.

They have milk tea together.

They have dinner at each other’s houses and bond with each other’s families.

He has meals and goes to parties with his parents.

His mother teases him about Marinette and falling in love.

His father insists that they go on father-son trips.

He hangs out with the rest of their friends without being watched over or following a curfew.

He has them come over at his house, and sometimes they even _sleep over_.

It’s everything Chat Noir’s ever wanted.

(More than that, even.)

_But why does he still feel so empty?_

.

.

“This really is the perfect life, isn’t it?” Marinette asks him one night, as they’re cuddled together watching some unidentifiable movie on television.

He smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah,” Chat Noir only says as she curls closer to him, nuzzling her head onto his chest. “... I guess.”

She turns upward, then frowns lightly. “What’s wrong?”

“I just—,” he pauses, visibly hesitant, before heaving a deep breath. “None of this is real.”

“What? Of course this is, Chat, everything about this is—”

“ _No,”_ he only replies, voice stern. “This is a fantasy; a complex illusion conducted by the akuma. This is all a _fantasy_ ; all a ploy to get my Miraculous. And using you, of all people…,” he pauses, swallowing down the lump in his throat and trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. “Using that face, parading around pretending to be _her_ … that’s the worst of all.”

“Chat…,” her voice is evidently hurt, and it stabs at him so much more than an illusion should. “I know you don’t mean that.” She grabs at his arm, pulling him closer. “Look, I’m here. I’m real and _I love you_ , see? Please don’t push me away.”

He’s evidently conflicted and suddenly pulls her to him, desperation lining the expression on his features.

“Then if you really love me, _please_ ,” he whispers softly, nails almost digging into her skin. “Tell me the truth.”

Marinette pauses, and for the first time since he’d landed in the illusion, sees an expression of despair and loss in her features. “... can’t you just leave things like this?”

“Mari, what…”

“I _know_ I’m not really her, but I have her memories, her thoughts, her _emotions_. These months we’ve spent together, did I really feel like a fake all that time?” Chat Noir looks down, knowing the answer deep in his heart. “Wouldn’t it be better to just stay here with me? Stay in this perfect world, with everything you could ever dream of?”

“You know I can’t do that…”

“And why _not_ ?” She finally cries, trying desperately to rip her hand away from his grasp. “What’s waiting for you there? A life of isolation from your friends? An absent father? A dead mother? Being regularly watched over by someone, never being free to do what you truly want to do?” Her voice softens, as she stares at him— _lost_ . “A life where you’ll never be with me again? _Adrien_ , is that really what you want?”

They come to a standstill.

Then, almost completely silent: “How do I leave?”

She sighs quietly; defeated.

“You have to kill me.”

He suddenly looks up, eyes wide with shock and horror. _“What?”_

Marinette smiles at him, though it expresses anything but joy.

 _“You have to kill me,”_ she repeats. “You have to get rid of the one thing that makes you want to stay. Once I’m gone, I’ll take the rest of this illusionary world you despise with me.”

_Despise._

“But I can’t…”

Marinette suddenly snaps her fingers, as their surroundings swiftly demolish and rebuild into the top of the Eiffel Tower. The railings are gone as she’s left teetering dangerously over the edge— his hand, holding hers, the only thing that stops her from completely falling over.

_“What are you doing—!?”_

“I’ll make it easier for you,” she only responds, voice warm; overflowing with love, in evidently the worst way possible. “Just let go.”

“I could never do that, I could never—“

“You need to let me go, Adrien,” Marinette only says, voice clear and steady. “Let _her_ go.”

“... then maybe I should just stay. I’m not ready to lose you all over again.”

“I don’t want to lose you either.”

“...”

“...”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m really sorry things had to end this way.”

She laughs softly. ”I know.”

Then, without another moment’s hesitation, Marinette falls.

Adrien doesn’t let go of her hand the whole way down.

.

.

He doesn’t land on concrete.

Chat Noir wakes up to an empty balcony, with the crushing realization that his entire world is gone.

(And she’s never coming back.)

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> the reason why he stays as chat noir the whole fic is bc in adrien’s ideal world, he’s chat noir - free, honest, and able to be himself without the pressures of being an agreste. he was called adrien in the end to symbolize how he's ~letting go and learning to accept himself~. also to ruin the spirit of how deep i am: the request was for marichat so yEa ! :^)
> 
> this was also for the mlwritersguild aka a very nice group of writers for the mlb fandom which im terribly inactive in bc i have zero braincells and a painful amt of work to do ;u; they're super talented tho so i'd highly recommend checking out the collection this is under to view their other lovely works!! as always:
> 
> thank you for reading! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～♡


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